Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Stranger Comforts.
(or Creating Cozy)

by Mary Courtney Blake


When hosting celebrations, gatherings and dinner parties, it is important to make strangers (and for that matter, friends) feel at home and welcome.  I suppose there are very few things that inspire that specific kind of awkward that comes with being the new person in an unfamiliar surrounding; and, it’s up to you, the host, to ease that from your guests.

Perhaps this holiday season you are inviting new neighbors to your home, or maybe even new family, or your guest list might just be friends tried and true.  Whatever the situation, here are a few tips, in no particular order, for creating a warm and cozy environment for any time of the year.


Have something that smells good in the kitchen.  If you are throwing a dinner party, this part is easy because hopefully your dinner has already accomplished the yummy smells.  If you are not throwing a dinner party, this can be as simple as putting on a pot of coffee or throwing some take-and-bake cookies in the oven.  Whatever you do, you will be amazed at how welcoming tasty smells can be.  Also, having some sort of refreshment, no matter what the occasion really lets your guests know that you are happy they have come over.  It also gives your guests something to do with their hands which is nice.

Background Noise.  Okay, I admit, you are not a department store.  The goal with this is not to make people feel like they are stuck in a giant elevator or that they need to go buy something.  The point of the background noise is to eliminate the inevitable “awkward silence.”  This can be accomplished in several ways.  I tend to put on an old jazz record or create an iTunes playlist of fun, unobtrusive and good songs.  In my experience, ‘90s music gets a particularly happy reaction.  However, football games, random cartoons or even an open window (if the weather is right) can be great background noise as well.

Warm lighting.   This probably seems strange, but cozy can be really helped by warm lighting.  Stick a floor lamp in the living room or put on a fire in the fireplace if you have one.  You will be amazed at how welcoming non-direct lighting can be.

Clean, but not surgically so.  This will seem odd to both my untidy and my OCD readers.  For my untidy folks, people do not want to come over to sit in your pig pen, it makes them feel awkward and uncomfortable.  For my OCD folks, your guests would like to be able to sit down and relax without feeling like they are 5 years old again and their grandmom is going to send them back to the kids table if they get anything messy.  I find that the healthy medium is that bathrooms and kitchens be clean and nothing anywhere covered in pet hair or dirt, but that things like shoes at the door, blankets on the couch and books on the table help to remind your guests that real people live here and they have not come to the museum for dinner.

Contact, ask genuine questions and be excited to hear what they have to say.  This seems obvious, I know, but you are the host, you have lots to do and it is easy to get caught up in all of the great things you have planned for your guests and forget to connect with your guests while they are there.  I find that real interest in your guests will cover a multitude of flops in your dinner planning or hosting skills.  If your guests are new friends, you can ask about their interests and hobbies, or if they are old friends, you can get caught up the latest news.  One of the best ice-breaker questions I have ever heard, coined by a college friend, is “What inspired your look?”  You may use this too if you wish.

Places for people to sit or stand if they’d like.  Basically, this means that there are some obvious places for your guests to go.  Imagine you are coming to your house for the first time, look around the room.  Where do you sit?  Where is a good place to stand?  Can you sit or stand and comfortably be a part of the conversations in the room?  Pay attention to these and add chairs or re-orient furniture if necessary.  Your goal is to make it obvious where to go and where to sit so that your guests feel free to move about the room without asking and free to choose whether to sit or stand, etc.

Give them something to do.  Nothing helps inspire a casual and comfortable environment like letting your guests get involved in the hosting.  Giving them something to do helps your guest feel useful and can make them feel comfortable and at home if they are feeling a little awkward or don’t know what they should be doing.  This doesn’t need to be anything major, they are the guests after all.  Simple things like placing things on the table, putting out silverware and taking drink orders are good examples of things you might ask your guests to help out with. 

Have something for you to do.  Having things for you to do helps you to ease your own awkwardness.  If you are anything like me, you can easily run out of things to say or find yourself sitting silently in the midst of new people.  If you are the host, this can create a boring and uneasy gathering to say the least.  So, my solution for this is to give myself things to do.  These can be as elaborate as preparing dinner or as simple as getting coffee for your guests.  Whatever you decide, it is best if you can complete your tasks and still interact with the people around you.


These are just a few tips from the top of my brain.  Take them as you will.  Whatever you do to celebrate, even if it is only the ancient ritual of celebrating Tuesday, cherish your time with friends and family because they are the most important people you will ever know.